What is Self-Compassion?
“Self-compassion simply involves doing a u-turn and giving yourself the same compassion you’d naturally show a friend when they’re struggling or feeling badly about themselves.”
~Kristine Neff
Why Self-Compassion
A common thought is that self-compassion is weak and that by toughing it out we can become more resilient. Actually, the opposite is true. If we become angry at our sad parts or push away our angry parts because we don’t like them, they will come knocking even harder and present themselves in ways that don’t work for us and our relationships. For example, if we feel embarrassed when our loved one takes to long to order at the counter when there is a line behind, we might feel so uncomfortable in that embarrassment and shove it down. But, something has to replace it. So, in turn we might react poorly with meanness toward our loved one in the same way we just did to that embarrassed part of ourselves. Did that work? No.
Perhaps, if a moment was taken to recognize the discomfort with some soothing learned from practicing self-compassion, you might respond by helping your loved one gently order or accept their time taking better even though it is uncomfortable. In addition, there can be a remembering that it is common to feel embarrassed. Maybe in that short amount of time you walk away from the counter feeling pleasant with your loved-one instead of being in an argument and feeling unpleasant. My sessions include self-compassion. There is a saying in IFS, “there are no bad parts.”